PSL - On a stormy sea of moving emotion...

[beyondthisillusion]

More often than not, Danielle spent most of her days sitting on a moldering motel bedspread, a rifle across her lap, with one eye on the door to the light-tight bathroom, the other on some crappy soap opera or another. Sometimes she would drift a little. And on very rare occasions, she would dream, seeing watery images of the life she should have known, the shapes running together like water colors.

That morning, her attention wasn't quite so split.

From sunrise until the last lingering rays of sunlight vanished beneath the jagged silhouette of the city, she sat by the motel window and stared up at the sky. Why was it she'd never appreciated how beautiful it was? She could still see a sliver of the moon throughout the day, like a pale, white toenail clipping in the sky. Clouds rolled by, shaped like whipped cream on top of sundaes. And then there was the sun. The big, beautiful, perfect sun.

This...this was what she was being asked to give up. How could she? How could anyone?

But people did. It happened all the time. More often than anyone realized and decidedly more often in her family than was normal.

As the sunlight faded in the west...Danielle wondered if she would ever see it again.

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[beyondthisillusion]

She slid into the passenger seat. And found herself a little amazed at how normal it all felt. Not normal-normal, of course. But their sort of version. Like it was just another night.

Except that it was her last night.

For some insane reason, she buckled her seat belt, then leaned back in her seat, feeling the cold press of the revolver against her skin.

"Is this a Dad-authorized field trip?" she asked warily.

[soaringeverhigher]

"Does it matter?" She had to know he wouldn't do anything that would take them too far out of the way. He glanced over...

...well, fine.

"He knows we'll be back when we need to." Which he knew was still sort of a non-answer, but hey, sis. Chill.

The drive didn't take them very far. There was a mom-and-pop diner down the road, advertising a full bar with a dimly blinking sign. Shawn pulled into the parking lot.

[beyondthisillusion]

It had been a very long time since they'd pulled up to a diner like this. When they were kids, Danielle had fond memories of the cracked, squeaky booths and the incredibly long menus of all the diners they used to stop at along the road.

But when you were the only person in the family who ate solids any more, there was less of a need for them.

She frowned a little, unbuckling her belt. A line formed between her eyes. "Looks like hepatitis."

[soaringeverhigher]

"Looks like home cookin'." There was more than a pinch of nostalgia in his words. He bobbed his head toward the entrance before getting out of the car, waiting for her to follow.

Inside could have been a scene from their childhood. The place was classic, with booths against the front wall and padded stools at the counter, the sound of a sizzling griddle coming from the back. A bell rang over the door when Shawn pushed it open.

The waitress was a little past her prime, but she had a winning smile as she handed over the menus. "Evening, dolls. Take your time with these, all right?"

As she walked away, Shawn flicked open the first page as if he was thinking about perusing.

"Go on," he encouraged Dany. "Whatever you want."

[beyondthisillusion]

The wave of nostalgia was impossible to ignore. It was perfect. The squeak of the plastic and the smell of the oil. Even the uniforms the staff were wearing. All she needed to do was walk over to the jukebox and select Crocodile Rock and she would be a kid again.

Well. No. She'd never been a kid. Not really. But the next best thing.

Danielle took the menu, watching Shawn over the top of the cover. "How'd you find this place?"

Because it seemed like he'd really gone to a lot of trouble.

[soaringeverhigher]

Oh, she was gonna love this. If by 'love,' you meant 'be slightly grossed out by, probably.'

But hey. He thought it was pretty cool.

"Remember that stray dog that was sniffin' around the parking lot?" Outside the motel, a couple nights ago. He and Shawn had had a Moment. "I, uh. Asked him where the good human spots were. So to speak. Apparently he goes scratching at the back kitchen door to this place. They throw him a sausage."

[beyondthisillusion]

People sometimes had a hard time figuring out when Shawn was teasing and when he was being pretty serious. As a kid, Danielle struggled with it. As she'd gotten older, she'd prided herself on being able to make the distinction. But she had to admit...this one threw her for a loop.

She blinked a few times, her jaw opening slightly. "Are you serious?" she asked, her voice lost somewhere between surprise and incredulity.

Vampires could do that. She knew in a vague, abstract sort of way. But...Shawn getting restaurant recommendations from a dog?

There were way too many ways to react right now.

[soaringeverhigher]

He gave a lopsided smile. So she did think it was cool.

"Yeah. Took me while to pin it down, though. He kept tryin' to tell me about this awesome squirrel nest —"

And that may or may have been serious. But he was cut off as the waitress approached with a carafe of coffee. Shawn turned his cup over, inviting her to pour.

"And can I get anything started for you?" the waitress asked.

Shawn tapped the edge of the cup's saucer with his fingers. "I'll be stickin' with coffee, thanks."

She turned to Danielle next. "How about you, darlin'? Need a minute?"

[beyondthisillusion]

Danielle accepted the coffee like mana from Heaven. She'd become pretty damn dependent on it, over the last few years. At least the staff in all night-diners didn't give you funny looks for drinking it after sunset.

"Do you have any Sweet 'n Low?" she asked. The waitress was giving them that annoying, hello-young-lovers look that they got all the time. Why did people always assume that they were a couple?

"Sure, honey. Be right back."

Slowly, Danielle counted to ten before she turned back to Shawn. "Dude, you took a restaurant recomendation from someone who licks his own balls."

[soaringeverhigher]

"You're assuming he does that for the flavor." Just saying. "Anyway, it's the Middle of Nowhere, Tennessee. Options are sort of limited."

[beyondthisillusion]

She made a face. The same one she'd made for the last twenty six years, every time Shawn said something truly disgusting.

Someday, her face was going to freeze that way.

...maybe she'd be Embraced with it. That was a sobering though.

The bridge of her nose relaxed and she sank back into the booth. "It's great," she said. And she really meant it. "Thanks."

[soaringeverhigher]

"'Course." He shrugged, sat forward with his arms folded on the table.

"Y'know. Figured you deserved it."

[beyondthisillusion]

She eyed him a moment, reading between those lines easily enough. And, despite all of her hopes and dreams for a plan of some kind...

Screw it.

"Shawn," she said softly, "I don't know that I want to go through with it."

[soaringeverhigher]

His smile faded. It dialed down out of his eyes first, as they lowered to the tabletop, then started to leave the rest of his face. What was left at the end had a rueful look. He sat back again, hands flat on the table.

"Yeah," he answered. Like he saw this coming.

[beyondthisillusion]

He knew. Of course he knew. Even if he was a vampire, he was still her brother. He still knew her better than anyone in the world. In part, because he was the only one there. And in part...

Well, those feelings went unspoken most of the time.

Danielle sank back further into her side of the booth, dropping her head and folding her hands in her lap. She almost looked like she was saying grace over a cup of diner coffee.

As if grace existed.

"I've been thinking about it," she said. "A lot. Obviously. And it just...it's permanent and...there are things I want, Shawn. In life. For myself."

[soaringeverhigher]

At first, he was frustrated. Two hours until dad came to pick them up, and she was owning up to the cold feet now?

But he was still her brother. So after the initial flash of frustration, concern took over. So maybe she could have started this conversation earlier. She was starting it now. They could still figure this out.

Shawn shrugged. "Well, y'know, it's not the end of your life." ...well. "Okay, maybe literally it is. Technically. But there's still plenty you can do."

[beyondthisillusion]

"No."

She said it a little more fervently, more passionately than she meant to. Than she should have. And immediately, a look of pure and unadulterated guilt flashed across her face.

"No," she said again, in a softer, milder tone. "There are just things that...I mean...I've been thinking about things. Like...I don't know...going to law school..."

[soaringeverhigher]

Well, that... sorta came out of left field. He leveled a bemused expression at her.

"Law school."

[beyondthisillusion]

She immediately felt embarrassed. Color rose in her cheeks as she lowered her eyes, half burying her face in the menu.

"It's something I've been thinking about," she said quietly. "One of a lot of things I've been thinking about."

[soaringeverhigher]

"You wanna be a lawyer?"

She could read it as judgement if she wanted — depending on just how embarrassed she was — but he was genuinely confused.

[beyondthisillusion]

"I don't know," she said with a sigh. "Maybe. Maybe there's something to the idea of helping people without having to break the law all the time to do it. Maybe I could use the law to my advantage."

People did that all the time. Followed the rules. Worked within the system. Normal people. Good, regular, old-fashioned, normal people.

Danielle could be like that.

"Or...I don't know. What if...I want to get married some day?"

[soaringeverhigher]

Of course, there was the little problem that the type of helping they did often existed outside the law. What was she gonna do — hunt down rabid Gangrels through the power of the courts?

"Thinking of settling down?" That came with a little smirk, because come on. It was a little funny to imagine. But — this wasn't really about higher education or a white wedding. It couldn't be. Shawn's expression turned back to something more serious.

"Come on. What's this really about?"

[beyondthisillusion]

He wasn't wrong. But that somehow managed to infuriate Danielle.

"What if I want to have kids?" she asked sharply, leaning forward in her seat. "What if I want to work a nine to five and come home to a house with white picket fences and eat a pot roast while I listened to my family talk about their days? What if I wanted a life where the worst thing that could possibly happen was an IRS audit?"

She took a deep breath. "Shawn...what if I want a normal life? I go through with this, that's out the window. Gone. Forever."

And forever was literal in this particular instance.

[soaringeverhigher]

"Maybe." He had to at least acknowledge she had a point. But. "But don't you think that fate was signed, sealed and delivered a long time ago? From the moment we were born? I mean, Jesus. Even the Palmers don't get to live perfect apple-pie lives."

From what he heard about them, at least. Dad's never been on the best terms.

But he kind of life she's talking about... It would mean walking away. From everything. And not just leaving behind the violence. It would mean still knowing everything was out there, and doing nothing about it. He wonders.

"You really wanna leave us?" Leave me?

[beyondthisillusion]

"No," she said, just a little too quickly, maybe. It seemed to be a running theme for her. "Shawn...it's not about you. It's about me. It's about...growing up. That's what people do. They go out on their own and they live their own lives."

Emphasis on the living.

The corners of her lips turned down in that pensive way she had, the one that made her look strangely like a fish. She was hurting him. And that was the last thing she wanted to do. But Shawn had never been good at separating 'us' and 'you.' Which was probably why he was Dad's perfect soldier.

"Do you really believe in fate?" she asked quietly.