beyondthisillusion | PSL - How on earth did I get so jaded? Life's mysteries seem so faded...

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PSL - How on earth did I get so jaded? Life's mysteries seem so faded...

She'd survived the day. That was the most astonishing thing. A part of Danielle had been absolutely certain that Noah and Lucia would take her out while she was asleep. Or at the very least, stake her and shoved her in a closet. And she wouldn't have blamed them, really. She'd been prepared for that. But night had come, the sun had set, and here she still was. Under armed guard--she could hear the bullets clinking in the cartridge of the woman who'd been assigned to be her 'escort'--but alive, nevertheless.

Small favors. Although she couldn't help but wonder if she was somehow disappointed. At least if she'd been taken out, the misery would be over. What lay ahead was murky, to put it politely.

For the moment, though, she figured she'd take advantage of being among the Palmers, connect to the mother she'd never known. While she waited for Noah and Lucia to make their final decision about her fate, she contented herself to flip through an old family photo album.

What she'd been hoping to find, she didn't know. But as she turned pages and the clock ticked away, she found herself festering in disappointment.

She didn't look a thing like her mother. She was Miles Remington's kid, through and through.

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"Nice!" Maria couldn't help but grin widely. "I thought that sounded kinda funny. Dunno what kind of demon would offer me that kind of deal, but the reading I've done on 'em says a lot of 'em like being tricky. It's important to be thorough, Mom says." She paused. "Though Dad says maybe not so thorough that you lose track of the situation. But still."

She cocked her head to one side. "That the kind of thing you run into out there? I've heard a lotta stories from Mom and Dad and Aunt Lupe and everyone about family adventures, but they never talked about you." Maria glanced briefly at Aunt Lupe, who merely smiled back at her. She seemed to have relaxed, leaning against one arm of the chair.

It was no big surprise that they didn't talk about the wayward Remingtons. Danielle could only smile grimly. She probably wouldn't talk about them either, if she had kids.

A pang of loss hit her suddenly and she had to push it to one side.

Like always.

"No," she admitted. "I can't say that we've come across demons quite like that. But we have fought a lot of vampires. Some of whom wanted to summon demons."

"Yeesh, they must have been some seriously bad dudes. What, was bein' a vampire not enough bad stuff for 'em?" She shook her head. "No offense, but Mom and Dad told me lots about vampires they've run into, and it seems like you can do plenty of bad without going all infernal."

"No offense taken," Danielle assured her. Although it did sting just a little bit. But then again, she'd made the same assumptions about vampires as a human.

Firsthand experience was a bitch.

She sighed. "There are just some complicated people out there."

Maria raised both her eyebrows. "That's the word Mom uses when she really means 'terrible.' Kind of like when she says someone has 'interesting opinions' or 'a unique perspective.'" Why couldn't adults just say what they meant all the time? It wasn't as if she couldn't figure it out.

She chewed on her lower lip a little. "What's so complicated about them, anyway?"

Danielle smiled. "I think what makes them complicated is the fact that they don't fit into the pictures we have in our heads of them. I mean, look at me. I'm a vampire. Am I living up to the idea of a vampire that you have in your head?"

She more lived up to the idea of a vampire that Anne Rice had in her head, frankly.

Maria clasped her hands behind her back, standing with the posture of someone reciting from textbook or memory. "'Vampires, like all supernatural creatures of human origin, can look and behave in as many ways as humans can. You must not let your guard down, no matter how un-monstrous they seem.'"

She paused.

"Not really, though," she added, in her own words. "I mean, I guess vampires can be like anyone, but I was expecting a little more, you know... black-wearing. More teeth." She mimed fangs with her fingers. "Maybe a cape. I like the flannel better, though."

It was a good edict to live by, Danielle supposed. All the same, she was relieved to hear that she didn't entirely live up to expectations. Of course, Maria hadn't seen her teeth. But at such a young age, she decided it was good to hold off on that experience as long as possible.

Someday. Assuming Noah let her live.

"I'm not sure I could get away with a cape," she said. "My brother could pull it off though."

"Kind of a drama-type person?" Maria asked. "I think you've got to have a sort of theatrical personality to pull it off, probably." If they looked kind of similar, she could imagine a brother of Danielle's having that kind of look to him. "He a vampire, too?"

Danielle nodded. "He is."

And she didn't add that Shawn was much better at it than her.

"And he's very theatrical," she continued. "You should see him when he's singing along the radio in the car. He looks like he should be up on a stage, smashing a guitar."

"Yeah, I bet," said Maria. "Maybe it runs in the family. Drew's been after Mom and Dad to get him a guitar. Acoustic, but still." She kind of hoped they'd do it—music wasn't really "essential," but Maria had seen how good of care he took of the records he'd saved up to buy with his pocket money.

There was one thing, though: "Why didn't he come with you?"

The kid was good at asking the hard questions. And there was a slight tightness, a twitch in Danielle's jaw, before her expression eased back into something resembling neutrality.

"I didn't invite him," she said. Which was true enough.

The thing of it was, she sort of wanted him to come. She wanted Shawn to share her desire for humanity, for a connection to the family. A part of her had lingered longer than necessary, just waiting for him to ask her to wait up, slow down, let him come too.

Maria's jaw tensed. That could mean an awful lot of things. Whatever it did mean, though... she felt a touch of respect for Danielle. Even if she was coming back to family, leaving family was hard. She couldn't think of circumstances where she wouldn't drag Georgie and Drew along with her.

The million-dollar question. "Whose side is he on, now?"

"He's a good guy." She spoke without even thinking. Automatic. "In fact, he's the best guy I know."

And there it was, that unspoken understanding between the two of them, spoken out loud. To a little girl, no less. To a little girl who was going to grow up to be a big, bad hunter some day.

But to family.

Danielle set her hands on her knees, leaning forward a little bit to look Maria in the eyes. "Anything that was ever worth knowing when I was growing up, my brother Shawn taught me. It's just that now, I need to learn about things he doesn't know."

It didn't escape Maria's notice that Danielle hadn't really answered her question—sure, that she thought he was a good guy and that he'd taught her a lot implied that he was still one of theirs. But it didn't necessarily mean that, and if it did she would have said so.

Maybe he was one of those "complicated people."

Maria decided on a different line of questioning—if only because not-quite-answers often meant a delicate subject, and Maria was anything but a delicate conversationalist. "Sure," she said, nodding. "What things are those, that you need to learn on your own?"

"How to be more human," Danielle replied. Which, she realized, sounded ridiculous as soon as the words left her lips. "They say that there are secret ways," she amended, "for vampires to become more like human beings again. I want to learn those ways."

Ruby's promises swirled around in her mind like pieces of confetti over a windy parade. The promise of inner peace. Losing her dependance on blood. Maybe...as crazy as it seemed...maybe even a family one day.

A normal life.

"You really think there's a thing like that?" Maria cocked her head to the side. Far-fetched, but most of what their family dealt in was well beyond normal. "I'd have thought that if you could undo bein' a vampire there'd be way less vampires. I guess that'd have to do with it being a secret, though. If you find it, are you going to teach it to your brother?"

"I think it's real," she said. "But I think it's probably going to be very difficult to learn. Most vampires probably don't want to waste their time with it. Especially since a lot of them like being able to live forever and have powers."

Danielle liked a challenge.

Although, she had to admit, the challenge of trying to convince Shawn...that would be a steep climb.

"Hard to give up something like that, I guess," said Maria, shrugging. "Guess that's how so many people get tempted into it."

Privately, she wondered if that's why Danielle hadn't said whether she was planning to teach it to her brother or not; maybe he still was what passed for a good person... but found it too hard to give up the perks.

Would she have the same trouble, in his place? No, she thought. Sure, maybe if you got used to having powers to make up for your weaknesses... but she had always figured she was good enough as she was.

"Maybe," Danielle said. "Maybe they don't think about the things they have to give up." Or maybe they never wanted them in the first place.

Danielle could never quite figure that part out when it came to Shawn. Dad said jump and he said how high. Sure. That's the way it always was. But was he hiding some sense of pain or loss? Or did he not feel it?

And which one did she hope for?

She shook her head. "Anyway. I want to be human again. In any way I can."

"Good," said a man's voice, from the doorway. Maria turned to see her father standing there, her mother beside him.

Her mother fixed her eyes on Maria. "Maria," she said, "it's well past your bedtime. Come along." Her mom's expression was carefully neutral, and Maria flinched a little—this little adventure was definitely unsanctioned, and probably dangerous; she wouldn't be surprised if she was in for a talking-to before bed. Best not to push her luck any further.

She nodded, biting her lower lip, and followed her mom, casting one last quick look back at Danielle.

***

Which left Danielle alone with Noah and Lupe.

Noah took a seat, taking a chair and pulling it over so that he was sitting across from Danielle, eye to eye. "So," he said, after a long silence. "What'd you think?"

Danielle fell silent as she watched Maria interact with her parents. She considered piping up, trying to take some of the heat off of Maria, but she figured it wouldn't be appreciated. This was a girl who was being raised to fight her own battles.

Anyway, Danielle was a bit uncomfortable dealing with mother figures. Always had been, probably always would be.

Silently and patiently, she waited, watching as Maria left with her mother, before turning her attention to Noah and Lupe.

There was something she liked about Noah. She couldn't put her finger on it, exactly. Maybe a part of it was that he looked nothing like Miles, and yet still possessed Miles' air of authority and certainty. He certainly sounded like he was challenging her with the question. Like it was a test.

"I think she's going to be a force to be reckoned with," she answered honestly and simply, in a tone that she hoped conveyed her willingness to offer fealty.

Noah grinned, widely, and chuckled. "Yeah, that's what we've been thinking," he said, with an obvious note of pride in his voice. "I feel just a little bit bad for anyone getting in her way once she's grown. Maybe even before that. God knows Luce and I have a hell of a time slowing her down. All of 'em good kids, but she's probably the most like me."

He drummed his fingers on the table next to him. "Look, Danielle, this situation is weird for all of us, so I'm not going to beat around the bush here. We've all talked it over—" He nodded at Lupe, who nodded back, "—and we think it's worth it to give you a chance."

Lupe stood and stretched, knitting her hands behind her neck. "It'll be on a probationary basis, obviously, so you'll have to be okay with that," she said, raising an eyebrow slightly. "You'll be under a lot of supervision to start, possibly for a while. But we'll help supply what you need, least what we can."

Danielle wanted to jump up, she wanted to hug the life out of Noah, she wanted to laugh and throw her head back and spin around in circles. Of all the possible scenarios, it was the one that seemed least likely, but the one she wanted the most: She was being let inside.

It was almost impossible to keep her response subdued. The corners of her lips twitched slightly, but she didn't so much as grin. There would be no visible teeth in this household. Not now, not ever.

"I understand," she said. "I'd do the same thing in your place. But I won't give you any reason to doubt my sincerity. What I will do is work as hard as I can to earn your trust. However long it takes."

"That's what we like to hear," said Noah. "'sides, there's a lot of work to do. You probably know this, but the vampire population's spiked something fierce since we were all kids, and there's other critters moving in, besides. Lot of opportunities for you to show what you're made of."

He sat back in his chair, crossed his legs. "Also goes without saying, but I know you said your brother and dad are still out there—if they're not doing any harm, they're not in our sights, but you're gonna have to be prepared for the possibility that they might end up on the wrong side of things, someday."

PSL - How on earth did I get so jaded? Life's mysteries seem so faded...

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